I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "young blacks" and "Romanian gypsies" were not the correct answers.
My wife says I'm immature, and we should set aside a day so that we can talk. Like that's gonna happen in the middle of conker season!
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer ?" "Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer. "And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin 'em fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?" "Sure is, Bubba." "And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gittin that hot coffee that she ordered?" "Yep." "And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?" "That's right," said the lawyer." "But why are you asking?" "Well, I was thinkin . ... what I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon". I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. I ask again, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!".
I was shocked to hear the Home Secretary say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. Has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given an experience that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.
My wife got this from Aldi. I sent her back to get the latest version. please log in to view this image
The inventor of the snooze button has passed away. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 8:00am, 8:06am, 8:11am, 8:13am, and 8:14am
