Just been down the new sperm bank in town, they actually pay you for your sperm ! When I think of all the money I've let slip through my fingers over the years...
Stupid Answers:- UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers" ? Contestant: Homosexuals. Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you. BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er. . . Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . . Contestant: Blimey? Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . . Contestant: (Silence.) Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked? BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten' s first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra? LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: Prison or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party. BEACON RADIO, Wolverhampton DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant: Goosey? GWR FM, Bristol Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. RTE RADIO 2FM, Ireland Presenter: What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The. .? Caller: Mohicans. RICHARD AND JUDY (C4)) Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? A: Forrest Gump. LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain. NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Q: What is the world's largest continent? A: The Pacific RICHARD AND JUDY (C4)) Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er. . . Presenter: He makes bread. . . Contestant: Err... Presenter: He makes cakes . . Contestant: Kipling Street? THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918? Contestant: Magna Carta? BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1) Chris Moyles: Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? Contestant: Ummm. . . Moyles: It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'. Contestant: Shark. JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three? CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er . . . Mexico? PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days. DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No. THE VAULT (ITV) Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia. STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what? Contestant: Basketball. DOG EAT DOG (BBC1) Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord Of The Rings? Contestant: Enid Blyton. NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ? Contestant: Jelly. FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV) Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT. Team: Chedpit. SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV) Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held? Contestant: Six. Tufnell: Higher! Contestant: Five. NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM) Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest? Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it? THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway? QUIZMANIA (ITV) Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with T. Contestant: Doctor. Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. Contestant: Oh, (pause) Doctor. BIG QUIZ (LBC) Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court. Contestant: Lepers. DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM) Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year? Contestant: I need a clue. Kelly: OK. What do beans come in? Contestant: Cartons? TALKSPORT Andy Townsend: How many wheels does a tricycle have? Caller: Two. Townsend: The Beatles were known as the Fab...? Caller: Five. MAGIC 52 (NORTH-EAST ENGLAND) Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated? Contestant: Erm... Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964. Contestant: 1965? WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? (ITV) Chris Tarrant (asking the audience): 'Jambon' is the French for which food? 11 per cent of the audience: Jam. DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM) DLT: In which European country are there people called Walloons? Contestant: Wales. JANICE FORSYTH SHOW (BBC RADIO SCOTLAND) Forsyth: What is India's currency? Contestant: Ramadan. OWEN MONEY SHOW (BBC RADIO WALES) Money: In 30 seconds, name as many well-known politicians as you can. Caller: Er. . . Tony Brown. . . and Nigel Benn. (Silence.)
IN RESPONSE TO ALL RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG: PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM. YES, HE BIT TWO PEOPLE WEARING BURKAS, TEN PEOPLE WEARING TURBANS, TWENTY PEOPLE WEARING JEREMY CORBYN T-SHIRTS, TWO CAR DRIVERS WITH RAP MUSIC BLARING FROM THEIR VEHICLES, FOUR JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES, TWO MORMONS, NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR ASS CRACKS, THREE MUSLIMS AND A PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER. BUT, FOR THE LAST TIME. . . THIS DOG IS NOT FOR SALE !!
