My Grandad warned them the Titanic would sink. He kept telling them, but they would not listen. They eventually had enough and threw him out of the cinema...
Did you know “ listen ” and “ silent ” use the same letters? Do you know that the word “ race car ” spelled backwards still spells “ race car ”? And that “ eat ” is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense “ ate ”? And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants" and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other hairy-faced, rag-headed, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you.” How weird is that?
Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump. The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
My wife thinks I am obsessed with football. How can she say such a thing? We have been together for 25 seasons........
Archaelogists digging at Stonehenge have discovered a neolithic manuscript which it is believed will change everything we know an understand about prehistoric writings. Experts at Cambridge analysed the 4000 year old document with a vast array of scientific instruments and it says........ "The DFS sale ends this solstice!"
How a Muslim woman dresses is nothing to with #borisJohnson or any other politician. It’s completely down to the freedom of the individual’s husband.
How cool is this? There's a parking place at the supermarket where men are allowed to get the Weber out and BBQ... please log in to view this image
