You know when you're having a poo then suddenly realise that there is no bog roll so you have to get up and do that waddle to get a new roll?... Well ....... I'm nearly at Tesco..!!!
Britain is bracing itself for a marmalade famine after #Brexit. With tariffs imposed the price of oranges from the EU will soar, pricing out the average housewife/husband from from purchasing the fruity preserve. They really didn't know what they were voting for. please log in to view this image
After #Brexit, Britain will no longer see Spanish omlettes on the menu. Outside of the single market and customs union, the Brits will be unable to source eggs from Spanish chickens. This will leave them with only regular British omlettes, which of course are completely different please log in to view this image
Someone has just stolen a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the pants, she just needs the twelve pegs back.
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"
The missus thinks I'm a right nosey b*****d... I wish she'd tell me to my face rather than writing it in her diary!
