I just saw a pensioner do a tribute to the German football team. She got off the bus, looked a bit confused and lost, then got back on the bus and went home.
I got thrown out of the cinema for taking my own food in yesterday. Been ages since I've had a barbecue.
I started giving my wife driving lessons. Thought I'd do the responsible thing and start her off on the Postman Pat ride outside ASDA, plus it's only 50p a time.
Interesting Thoughts on the aging of the genders...….. Geography Of A Woman Between 16 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice and takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts. THE END.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?” “No, silly” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, “I just paid $6,000 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.” “So then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.” “So then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, “This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
The last time Germany were knocked out of the World Cup at the group stage was in 1938. Lets hope they dont take it as badly this time!
