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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    I'm a bit worried about one of my testicles, it's quite a bit bigger than the other two
     
    #2061
    swantastic, Apr 13, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2062
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • Best day of my life was when i walked down the asile towards my wife,
    • everyone was similing,
    • her mum had a few nice things to say,
    • I gave her a kiss and shut the bloody coffin!!!!!!
     
    #2063
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2064
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2065
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2066
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2067
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, neveroffsidereff and swantastic like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2068
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
    Makemstine Roger and swantastic like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
    The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
    "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
    The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
    The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
     
    #2069
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2070
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
    Makemstine Roger likes this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2071
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Very useful, if you are struggling to hold onto a lead.......

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    #2072
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  13. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    Oh I like that!! I bet your hoping for a playoffs win and Scum relegation. ;) Kenny doing a good job for you Wooper.
     
    #2073
    neveroffsidereff, Apr 15, 2018
    Makemstine Roger and Wooperts_duck like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings'. Apparently Gollum was once a normal man. But wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life.

    Must be the same ring I put on when I got married.
     
    #2074
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    You bet I am !! Hopefully you can pull well clear of the bottom three <ok>
     
    #2075
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2018
    Makemstine Roger and neveroffsidereff like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2076
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Has Katie Price/Jordan died ?!

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    #2077
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2018
    Makemstine Roger and neveroffsidereff like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just want to thank a few people for helping with my preparation for this years London Marathon.

    SCS for the sofa, LG for the TV, Hovis and Walls for the bacon sandwich.
     
    #2078
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2018
    Makemstine Roger and neveroffsidereff like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    New Premier League Football Table......

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    #2079
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, neveroffsidereff and swantastic like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was at the Toys R Us closing down sale, yesterday.

    "Where can I find the Terminator Action figures?", I asked the assistant.

    "Aisle B, Back..", he said.
     
    #2080
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2018
    Makemstine Roger and neveroffsidereff like this.
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