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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2041
    kiwiqpr, Apr 7, 2018
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  2. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    To soon ?
    Screenshot_2018-04-07-06-57-53-1.png
     
    #2042
    swantastic, Apr 7, 2018
    kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and neveroffsidereff like this.
  3. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    My wife is cooking a sock.
    I said 'what are doing? '
    She: 'just what you asked me to do when you came home drunk last night. '
    I said ' I never asked you to cook my sock..
     
    #2043
    swantastic, Apr 7, 2018
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  4. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    29791041_1731982626861713_4799045344069840153_n.jpg
     
    #2044
    swantastic, Apr 7, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Manchester City's new sponsorship deal with tinder looks like its working.

    They have been f*cked twice in 4 days..........
     
    #2045
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 8, 2018
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A man is sitting in a pub in Ireland suddenly he feels a gun being pointed at his back.
    • "Catholic or Protestant?" asks the voice
    • ."Jew," replies the man, calmly.
    • "Cor," replies the man with the gun, "I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!"
     
    #2046
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 8, 2018
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • Alan Pardew was out shopping when he spied a little, old, mentally handicapped cripple with one arm and one leg, struggling with his heavy shopping. Feeling "Samaritan like", he said "Excuse me friend, but can you manage?"

    • "Yes" he replied "and so much f*cking better than you can"
     
    #2047
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 8, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Not seen Scousers this happy over one leg, since Paul McCartney met Heather Mills.
     
    #2048
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 8, 2018
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    E.T.I.H.A.D.

    Eleven Twats In Hiding After Defeat
     
    #2049
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 8, 2018
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2050
    kiwiqpr, Apr 9, 2018

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Can't open anything Kiwi :huh:
     
    #2051
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 9, 2018
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Poor families burying relatives in their back garden because they cannot afford a funeral, MP claims.

    That's what I told the jury ten years ago after my wife committed suicide by stabbing herself in the back seven times.
     
    #2052
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 10, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2053
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 10, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2054
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 10, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    You won't be hearing from me for a while.

    The police are investigating me for stealing swimming pool inflatables... I gotta lilo
     
    #2055
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 10, 2018
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  16. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    FC910ADD-5B9D-4E80-B0EB-99E438B440E2.jpeg
     
    #2056
    neveroffsidereff, Apr 11, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The wife was getting dressed up for a night out with her mates, walked into the lounge and asked me to rate her.

    "8 or 9 at least." I said.

    "Out of 10?" she smiled. "Thanks, Babe, I'm flattered."

    Didn't have the heart to tell her I meant pints!
     
    #2057
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 12, 2018
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2058
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 12, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2059
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 12, 2018
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Yulia Skripal was discharged from hospital yesterday so I asked her out for a drink to take her mind off her recent ordeal.

    Unfortunately she stormed out of the pub after less than a minute. Maybe "Whats your poison?" Wasn't the best opening line!
     
    #2060
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 12, 2018
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