A telephone call to the UK Prime Minister’s office :- “Can I please talk to Theresa”..??? “She is asleep right now.” “If, she wakes up tell her Vladimir called.” “What Do You Mean", "IF”..???
During my physical examination, my Doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five-hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all, I drank eight beers." Inspired by the story, the Doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man !! A real Commando !!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a crap golfer !!"
Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine for his work on clinical depression. Apparently he can predict who will commit suicide the next week in London by just picking up his phone.
I bet those big hairy arsed rapists in prison can't wait for Ant MacPartlin to arrive. They haven't had Newcastle Brown for years........
