A Wrexham Fan, a Cardiff fan and a Swansea fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.. The Wrexhams fan insists that he is the most loyal and he yells,"this is for the red dragons"and jumps off the mountain. Not to be out done, the Swansea fan next professes his love for his team. He screams,"this is for the Jacks!!" and pushes the Cardiff fan off the mountain.
BBC SPORT: Transfer Deadline Latest : Cardiff City are interested in Belgian defender Mark de Man to help their Championship survival season. Apparently, they are also interested in his compatriots, striker Skor de Gaulle and goalkeeper Bloek de Schott. They have just managed to off load last seasons headline signing, Barry Van Hire, for a £5 million loss after working out he wasn't a dutch footballer after all. However this leaves them now having to negotiate new transport arrangements for the team.
"However,this leaves them now having to negotiate new transport arrangements for the team". They could always coax Days' van Hire,and Hertz van Rental,out of retirement.
It has been known to happen......a Cardiff boy meets Swansea girl. The Bluebird lad came home steaming drunk one night. "You up for some role play action, babe?" He asked with a wink. "Not really." She replied. "Oh, come on" he said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want." So the Jack lass shouted "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked the twat down the stairs.
Primary Teacher on Merseyside explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?' 'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a Chelsea fan too!' 'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?' 'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car. It later turned out to be a tax disk
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!' Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!' Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.' Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
I was chatting to a Pikey woman in the pub last night. She said, "Come back to my place and I'll show you a good time". She wasn't wrong, it was amazing. We went on the Waltzer, shared some candy floss and I won a goldfish!
So I'm standing at the bar and this little Chinese guy is stood at the side of me. So I asked him do you know martial arts like Kung Fu and ju-jitsu... He replied why the **** you ask me that.. Is it because I'm Chinese?! I said no it's because your drinking my f*****g pint you little c**t !!
An American friend of mine called me today, angry at the fact that I keep forgetting about the anniversary of 9/11. I explained that it is because the dates in the UK are the other way around - to us it is 11/9. "Fair enough," he said. "That'll be why I keep forgetting the anniversary of the 7/7 London bombings."
While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.' 'No problem, just let me in,' says the man. 'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.' 'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP. 'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit heaven.' So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.' The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?' The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday, we were campaigning.. ... Today, you voted."
I met a bloke in Yorkshire the other day. I knew he was dyslexic as soon as I saw him. He had a cat flap on his head. Just came out of hospital. Apparently dyson ball cleaner isn't what it says on the tin. I don't understand the hype around Carlsberg... ...I found a can on a wall, and it tasted like piss.
At its current rate of evolution, the 2013 X-Factor will be a karaoke contest in a terminal illness ward.
A man goes into church, and sits in the confessional. He says to the priest "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. Whilst I was on holiday, I cheated on my wife with two 21 year old Russian girls" The priest replies "Take a whole lemon, cut it in half, and squeeze the juice into a glass. Then drink the glass" "Will that purge me of my sins?" said the man. "No" said the priest "But it will wipe the ****ing smile off your face"
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it's safe to say it was a pretty **** chameleon. I walked out of a club with a girl last night. She slipped her hand inside my jeans, squeezed my cock and said, "Yours or mine?" I said, "That's mine."
My mate said, "I like your car." I said, "It's not very practical now we've got a baby." He said, "How about I buy it off you." I said, "Yeah go on then. Three grand?" He said, "You've got yourself a deal." I said, "Nice one... you're going to make a brilliant dad."
A girl came up to me in the club and said, "I haven't had a cock for nearly two weeks now." I asked her back to my place and we started fooling around. We got undressed, and that was when I noticed that she still had the scars from the operation.
a husband and wife were on a long drive and had a raging argument and both refused to apologise. on passing a farm they saw a herd of pigs and the husband commented "are they relations of yours?", the wife replied "yes, they are my in-laws"
