Off Topic International Break Thread

Yes, it's time for another break from real football.

Gareth Southgate takes on the international game's equivalent of the X Factor this time.
Will he be laughed off like one of the early weirdos or tell a sob story and get a contract?
Who knows? How many people still care? We'll see, I guess.

First up, it's fake injury news. How many players will take the piss and do a runner?
Quickest off the mark this time is Raheem Sterling, which makes a change from yesterday's game.
He's replaced by a player who's been in good form recently, one Andros Townsend.
Basically you're not in if you haven't played for Spurs at some point, I think.

Goalkeepers: Fraser Forster (Southampton), Joe Hart (Torino, on loan from Manchester City), Tom Heaton (Burnley)

Defenders: Ryan Bertrand (Southampton), Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Phil Jagielka (Everton), Glen Johnson (Stoke), Danny Rose (Tottenham), Chris Smalling (Manchester United), John Stones (Manchester City), Kyle Walker (Tottenham)

Midfielders: Eric Dier (Tottenham), Jordan Henderson (Liverpool), Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (Arsenal), Michail Antonio (West Ham), Jesse Lingard (Manchester United), Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Dele Alli (Tottenham), Andros Townsend (Crystal Palace)

Strikers: Wayne Rooney (Manchester United), Marcus Rashford (Manchester United), Daniel Sturridge (Liverpool), Jamie Vardy (Leicester)

Expect half of those names to change in the coming days and call-ups for Mason, Livermore, et al.

 

Best copy over the squads I posted in the Bill Nick...

FRANCE​

Goalkeepers
Alphonse Areola, Hugo Lloris, Steve Mandanda

Defenders
Lucas Digne, Laurent Koscielny, Layvin Kurzawa, Aymeric Laporte, Jeremy Mathieu, Bacary Sagna, Djibril Sidibe, Raphael Varane

Midfielders
Yohan Cabaye, Antoine Griezmann, N'Golo Kante, Blaise Matuidi, Dimitri Payet, Paul Pogba, Moussa Sissoko, Kingsley Coman

Forwards
Nabil Fekir, Kevin Gameiro, Andre-Pierre Gignac, Anthony Martial

BELGIUM​

Goalkeepers
Thibaut Courtois, Matz Sels

Claims to be a Goalkeeper
Simon Mignolet

Defenders
Toby Alderweireld, Laurent Ciman, Christian Cabasele, Nicolas Lombaerts, Jordan Lukaku, Thomas Meunier, Jan Vertonghen

Midfielders
Nacer Chadli, Steven Defour, Moussa Dembele, Thorgan Hazard, Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!, Axel Witsel

Elbower in Chief
Marouane Fellaini

Forwards
Michy Batshuayi, Christian Benteke, Yannick Carrasco, Eden Hazard, Dries Mertens, Kevin Mirallas, Divock Origi

 

France's midfield is insanely strong

 

You Ryleh must stop spelling the guys' name like that.


"Elbower in Chief
Marouane Fellaini"

 

Glen 'Effin' Johnson! Sweet Jesus! I thought we had seen the last of that crap excuse for a footballer. Pretty ropey squad all round to be honest (Spurs players apart). Not many in-form players apart from Rashford, Townsend and our fullbacks (Alli not quite back to where he could be yet). And Lingard is very uninspiring.

 

Piss off, international football.

That is all I have to add.

 

Surely this isn't on, given he hasn't even returned for us yet? I hope his hamstring is 100% recovered

 

Paul Stewart

 

Glen Johnson pulls out of the England squad. Southgate's response is to call up a centre half. So that's our right back returning bolloxed in the same way that Danny Rose was after the last ****ing round of joke games. What's he going to do if Kyle gets injured? Amateurish.

 

Onomah elevated from England U20's to U21's. Congrats, Josh!

 

Looks like Tripps will be playing against WBA then. Danny will hopefully be rotated with Bertrand for one of the games so should be fresher for our trip to the Hawthorns.

 

We should pull Walker out now. They're taking the piss.
The only real alternative is Dier, who won't be used.

 

It's a right kick in the teeth for every other English RB as well. Basically Southgate is saying "You're all so **** that I'm just going to call up another defender who doesn't even play in your position and adds nothing to the squad whatsoever. Look, don't bother really. Go toss fries at McDonalds".

 

Walker, Rose, Dier and Alli should have a night on the town and post a video on Facebook singing Gareth Southgate is a ****er. That should do the trick.

 

!!!

 

And Kane should "like" it on fb, keeping him out of next month's games?

 

He'd still play them all, because the alternative is to poker call certain
other clubs on their "injured" England players.

 

Rooney bound to start against Malta. Chance to add to his international goal tally innit. So sayeth the Football Association of Rooney.

Please don't tell me he's going to the next World Cup as well!

 

Rather him than Kane tbh.