Impending fatherhood!!

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Cillit Bang

Cillit Bang

Active Member
Feb 6, 2011
786
67
28
Sutton Coldfield
Yep!
My balls work!

What the f*** do I do now???
Goodbye football, excessive drinking, cricket, skiving (I ****ing loves good skive), peace, quiet, the rest of my hair and hello to ****ty nappies, irregular sleeping patterns, more time at work, dithering around mothercare, stepping on Lego and the increased chances of being prodded in the face by a finger which less than 30 seconds earlier was knuckle deep in a nasal cavity. Or worse?
This could be my last Christmas minus "the creature".
It all goes tits up on New Year's Day!
Is there anything I've not covered?

Am I doomed???
 
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Cillit Bang said:
Yep!
My balls work!

What the f*** do I do now???
Goodbye football, excessive drinking, cricket, skiving (I ****ing loves good skive), peace, quiet, the rest of my hair and hello to ****ty nappies, irregular sleeping patterns, more time at work, dithering around mothercare, stepping on Lego and the increased chances of being prodded in the face by a finger which less than 30 seconds earlier was knuckle deep in a nasal cavity. Or worse?
This could be my last Christmas minus "the creature".
It all goes tits up on New Year's Day!
Is there anything I've not covered?

Am I doomed???
Click to expand...
Yep
You're doomed
 
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You'll love it mate! I've got a 18 & 13 year old one of each and they're fantastic! I couldn't imagine my life without them! Just fib and say you're working late and go for a few hours kip somewhere quiet! It worked for me. :emoticon-0148-yes:
 
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Congratulations.

At this stage start planning for the birth.

It can be painful so best be aware of that.


For example, make her cut her nails as soon as her waters break.

I still bare the scars of a hysterical woman squeezing my hand instead of just getting on with it.

Or you could suggest gloves I suppose.


Whatever, it's first timer, schoolboy errors like this that you'll need to be prepared for.
 
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Piece of piss mate except the lack of sleep. I run my own business and commute 2 hours a day and walk the dog for 90 mins and still managed to have 3 kids in just over 3 years so if i can do it (50 next year) then you will be fine and you don't have to give up all your pleasures so it really isnt that bad.
 
Cillit Bang said:
Yep!
My balls work!

What the f*** do I do now???
Goodbye football, excessive drinking, cricket, skiving (I ****ing loves good skive), peace, quiet, the rest of my hair and hello to ****ty nappies, irregular sleeping patterns, more time at work, dithering around mothercare, stepping on Lego and the increased chances of being prodded in the face by a finger which less than 30 seconds earlier was knuckle deep in a nasal cavity. Or worse?
This could be my last Christmas minus "the creature".
It all goes tits up on New Year's Day!
Is there anything I've not covered?

Am I doomed???
Click to expand...
Haha me and the wife have ours due on 29th dec although i think im a litte bit more optimistic then you are about it.
congratulations on your impending arrival best way i have found is to try and look at everything in a posotive way then it wont bother you that much works for me plus you have a little one to take with you to the football and cricket and when old enough you can introduce the excessive drinking so you will have a drinking buddy all the time.
 
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Yeah it's great. I spent 3 hours in A&E yesterday. First day of the school holidays and my 5 year old has broken his wrist!! Welcome to parenthood - imminently!
 
originalminority said:
Fatherhood priority number 1.

Either boy or girl and no matter what division we are in ensure their earliest sporting attachment is to their home town football club Hull City AFC.
Click to expand...
The only problem with that for me is the babys home town will be redhill but there is no way mini me will be supporting anyone bu Hull City A.F.C
 
dennisboothstash said:
Yep
You're doomed
Click to expand...

I'll second this.

Definitely ****ed.

I speak from experience.

Make the most of the next few months is my advice. Your life is effectively over.

I've often thought about breaking up with her indoors just to get that every second weekend off. It's that bad mate, trust me.

Saturday nights sat at home watching Corrie and emmer dale on catch up whilst on Facebook you see the pics and vids of all your mates getting off their faces with nothing but pure envy. Your missus' fanny may as we'll be boarded up and all, the only time you'll ever see it again is when she gets out the shower or you walk in on her having a piss.
 
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Cillit Bang said:
Yep!
My balls work!

What the f*** do I do now???
Goodbye football, excessive drinking, cricket, skiving (I ****ing loves good skive), peace, quiet, the rest of my hair and hello to ****ty nappies, irregular sleeping patterns, more time at work, dithering around mothercare, stepping on Lego and the increased chances of being prodded in the face by a finger which less than 30 seconds earlier was knuckle deep in a nasal cavity. Or worse?
This could be my last Christmas minus "the creature".
It all goes tits up on New Year's Day!
Is there anything I've not covered?

Am I doomed???
Click to expand...
Did you make the mistake of giving her your real name and phone number? You are certainly not doomed if you played the situation properly.
 
Cillit Bang said:
Yep!
My balls work!

What the f*** do I do now???
Goodbye football, excessive drinking, cricket, skiving (I ****ing loves good skive), peace, quiet, the rest of my hair and hello to ****ty nappies, irregular sleeping patterns, more time at work, dithering around mothercare, stepping on Lego and the increased chances of being prodded in the face by a finger which less than 30 seconds earlier was knuckle deep in a nasal cavity. Or worse?
This could be my last Christmas minus "the creature".
It all goes tits up on New Year's Day!
Is there anything I've not covered?

Am I doomed???
Click to expand...
First of all congratulations to you and Dorset. This should put to bed all those nasty rumours...

I remember my lad sticking his finger in my ear ring when he was about 9 months old. He wouldnt let go the little bastard. Nearly pulled my ear off. Never worn it since. 15 years ago. did i get any sympathy off the mrs? Did i ****. Just a bollocking for waking her up. If you have more you'll find they're a family your just the silly bastard who goes out to work. I came in one night and they were all doing impressions of me. It hurt.

I miss my ear ring.
 
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only a couple of things you`ve missed;

1. A lifetime of heartache and worrying that they`ll make the right choices and not do anything silly (they usually do so don`t panic but it doesn`t stop you worrying)
2. Say goodbye to healthy bank balances, you have now become the `bank of dad`
3. Ensure that your car is always of a good sandard, as `dads taxi` is the most popular form of transport for kids

Other then that enjoy mate, I have got three kids and two grandkids, and loved every minute, it`s a breeze
 
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I Only made 2 mistakes.

Repeat them at your peril.

Teaching them to walk.

Teaching them to talk.

Avoid those 2 and your life will be fine.

Oh and remind your missus that you work and she doesn't. Why the **** any bloke gets up in the night to help feed them when working during the day is baffling.

Basically put yer foot down or you'll end up having your shed cleared out for you in the future.
 
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