If...

- Take down all Sports Direct advertising.
- Bring back the singing section.
- Keep Pardew, he's doing an OK job.
- Give Carr a bigger role and set up a bigger scouting network.
- Put more money into the academy.
- Give Pardew £20 million in January + whatever he gets from sales.
- Put in a sensible wage cap (don't know too much about players wages so can't really be exact).
- Transfer list Perch, Smith and Ranger.
- Hand out free scarves before a game like we did a few years ago.
- Put the Newcastle United sign back (if it has been taken down.
- Ditch Puma and sign a 5 year kit deal with Adidas.

 

I'd remove all traces of Sports Direct and replace that big ugly sign with a temporary one saying 'Howay the lads' for maybe a month, before returning it to cleanliness.

I'd keep Pardew but see how he acts under a new owner. Gotta be honest, being a fan I'd be making suggestions for signings but I wouldn't go overboard. With the Financial Fair Play coming in I'd give him a £20m budget for one or two strikers and an additional £10m for other positions.

I would establish a feeder club where we could send players on loan for experience (possibly Hibernian or Gateshead) and ask Pardew to use them, send a large number of players out on loan so they can develop properly with only a select few staying to make up the first team squad.

If Pardew couldn't sell them, I'd release our deadwood (including Ranger) and take the financial hit.

I'd arrange a pre-season tour in the far east to try and drum up international interest and ask Pardew to sign a player from that country to aid shirt sales (shallow I know), making us the 'team to watch' in somewhere like South Korea or Japan.

Put in a £60kpw wagecap, I think only Colo now exceeds it so it wouldn't be too hard to enforce.

If financially viable, I'd reduce the cost of matchday tickets and season tickets. Failing that, I'd have regular event matches. eg. £10 a ticket (for a less popular fixture) or £1 for kids (accompanied by an adult).

Advertise reserve/academy matches on the walls inside SJP. Kids go free, free entry for ST holders, £3/£2 entry otherwise.

Forge better links with the women's team. NUFC have a good number of young girls supporting the club and showing them they too can play football at a competitive level would be great. Again, free entry for kids and ST holders, £3 otherwise. A greater contribution would be made for the upkeep of the club.

Improved training facilities and a NUFC sports centre to be used by all the club's teams. Also available for private hire by local sports clubs or schools when not in use by NUFC. A gym and pool would also be available for the general public as this would be a large complex.

Greater communication with local schools. Part of the academy training would be public relations, trainees would be required to attend a minimum of one 'sports presentation day' at a nearby school, pushing the message that NUFC are encouraging a healthy lifestyle for kids. A limited number of reserved seats for schools on matchday, around 100 for a field day. Similarly, invitations to youth games that will also include open training and a presentation to the class(es).

I would approach Sunderland (Niall Quinn I guess) and propose a joint fund for grassroots football in the North East. Mainly a publicity stunt but also a great way of reminding the non-league that big clubs do still have a heart (may start a trend in other areas).

Donating kit and clothing to areas in need, supporting football in the poorer areas of the world and giving fans the opportunity to do similar by having a 'recycling point'. '£5 off your next NUFC ticket when you donate an old (official) Newcastle kit. Maybe send a Newcastle XI to one recieving club a year for a pre-season friendly, again boosting our image as a 'people's club'.

I'd make a proper message to the fans in each matchday programme and hire a strong PR man for statements when I am unavailable/can't be arsed.

Make Greggs the official caterers of NUFC with only a small markup, no more £3 pies.

Introduce an enclosed smoking area where fans can smoke (open 10 minutes either side of half time). This would be an open-topped extension built that would be outside the current ground but still connected and walled so outsiders can't sneak in.

I'd put all stewards through NVQ2 immediately and give the option for NVQ3, with pay increasing on a sliding scale depending on length of service (capped of course).

Giveaway days a few times a season. First game, last game and two 'lesser' games would get free flags and the boxing day match (or nearest) would get scarves.

An official charity each year who will recieve a small percentage of turnover at the end of the season (which will be announced to the media with a fanfair).




With a wagecap, improved fan morale (leading to more full houses), a better public image which would lead to potentially a higher-paying sponsor and a greater international presence we should be running okay financially. I'd encourage sensible spending (following the initial splash) but I would continue to invest in the non-player aspects of the club so we can improve whilst still keeping within FIFA's laws about Europe.

I would aim to have us playing regular Europa football within 3 seasons as I accept we will struggle to break into the top 4 even with bags of money. Having us finish consistently in the top 7 whilst playing an attractive brand of football would be great but I promise, if the opportunity arises for us to sign a quality player, I will back Pardew (or whoever may be) as well as I can whilst still keeping the club financially stable.

 

Keep Pardew do my coaching badges. Then take over as owner/manager

 

Wow, so may comments. So flattered

Best article in the world ever