I told you !

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My source tells me that Big Chris is currently of impaired mental potential due to a head injury sustained when his wife pushed him down the stairs last night...

On the landing
Mrs: What would you like for Dinner tonight big Chris?
Twat: My source says fish finger curry.
Mrs: I'm not cooking that, don't be daft Big Chris. And stop talking about this source of yours. You haven't left the house in 12 years.
Twat: My source says you're wrong.

At the bottom of the stairs...
Twat: Ow

That's my screenplay, hands off

<laugh><laugh><laugh> Quality NQDP. Have you auditioned for Britains Got Talent yet?
 
Mate they turned me down... They said they'd only take me if I went on along with BC, a double act if you will. Kind of like Morecambe and Wise, only with one of them having a massive lack of mental aptitude...

Then they told me racist 13 year olds aren't allowed to audition.

Fingers crossed next year we can audition as he'll be different. He'll be 14.