It will be a sad day when we can't have a laught at our own, so here goes 
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ARSENAL'S Cesc Fabregas is to stage a solo 'slut-walk' after Barcelona boss Pep Guardiola accused him of wanton teasery.
As the two men leer at each other from across a crowded European mainland for the third year in a row, Gunners boss Arsene Wenger was warned that his captain's mouth might be saying no but his eyes totally say yes.
Guardiola said: "He was saying how much he liked my midfield and was asking to have a go at my free-flowing 4-3-3 system but as soon as I made a move he went running back to Arsene saying I was hitting on him.
"He parades around the place practising one-touch football, showing intelligent off-the-ball movement and being all Catalan but acts offended if you offer him a bit of Camp Nou.
"Look at those thighs and tell me he's not gagging for a five-year contract."
But Fabregas has insisted he is simply a modern footballer who should be able to enjoy his freedom without being branded a dirty slut.
He will walk through north London on Satrurday wearing silky shorts and bright red football boots while carrying a placard saying, 'It's my hot body and I do what I want'.
Meanwhile Wenger said Fabregas retains little of the enthusiasm and experimentation he used to show between the goalposts.
The Arsenal manager said: "He'd be up for anything - mazy dribbles, defence-splitting passes, even a bit of 'helping out at the back' when he was really in the mood.
"But toward the end of the season he just completed perfunctory five-yard passes with a look in his eyes like he'd rather be somewhere else."
However, Guardiola insisted: "I'm no team-wrecker and I'm not trying to get between Cesc and his club but yes, given half the chance I'd love to coach the arse off him."
*********************************************
ARSENAL'S Cesc Fabregas is to stage a solo 'slut-walk' after Barcelona boss Pep Guardiola accused him of wanton teasery.
As the two men leer at each other from across a crowded European mainland for the third year in a row, Gunners boss Arsene Wenger was warned that his captain's mouth might be saying no but his eyes totally say yes.
Guardiola said: "He was saying how much he liked my midfield and was asking to have a go at my free-flowing 4-3-3 system but as soon as I made a move he went running back to Arsene saying I was hitting on him.
"He parades around the place practising one-touch football, showing intelligent off-the-ball movement and being all Catalan but acts offended if you offer him a bit of Camp Nou.
"Look at those thighs and tell me he's not gagging for a five-year contract."
But Fabregas has insisted he is simply a modern footballer who should be able to enjoy his freedom without being branded a dirty slut.
He will walk through north London on Satrurday wearing silky shorts and bright red football boots while carrying a placard saying, 'It's my hot body and I do what I want'.
Meanwhile Wenger said Fabregas retains little of the enthusiasm and experimentation he used to show between the goalposts.
The Arsenal manager said: "He'd be up for anything - mazy dribbles, defence-splitting passes, even a bit of 'helping out at the back' when he was really in the mood.
"But toward the end of the season he just completed perfunctory five-yard passes with a look in his eyes like he'd rather be somewhere else."
However, Guardiola insisted: "I'm no team-wrecker and I'm not trying to get between Cesc and his club but yes, given half the chance I'd love to coach the arse off him."
