I’ve been banned from my church's Easter service. Apparently, the first words Jesus spoke after emerging from his tomb weren't, "Ta-Daa!"…
My English teacher said to me,", you'll never be any good at Poetry". "Well," who's laughing now, I've made three vases and a teapot"....
An RAF fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane both with a machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right bollocking - apparently they were Allied Carpets.
The wife was texting me all day yesterday saying she was in casualty. I watched all 50 minutes of it last night and I didn't see her once. She's still not home yet & I'm getting hungry........
I accidently paid for my groceries with my library card. My macaroni cheese is due back next Tuesday.
