My wife started crying about her weight while we were eating our lunch today. I said, "Chin up, love." She said, "Aw, thanks babe. I'm glad I have you to support me." I replied, "No, I mean pull your chin up. It's in your soup."
I said to my friend, "I saw a band perform in South East Asia." “Singapore?" I said, "He wasn't great, but I've heard worse."
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says. "Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a hooker before we met, are you OK with that?" He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on, so tell me more " She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens".
I've only just set up an exaggeration club, and already have over 100 million members. please log in to view this image
I was watching the Olympics when it was announced that GB was in a 'Nail biting final'... How long has that been classed as a sport then?
My wife got me a bracelet with the first initials of our kids on it. Now as I lay on the side of the road, paramedics treating me, I silently pray for David, Nicole and Rachel.......
