I met a girl at the pub one night when I was much younger and I said to her "I'm gonna make love to you in my lounge, bedroom, kitchen, and the hallway." She said, "It's nice to pull a bloke with your kind of stamina!" She was gutted when I took her back to my caravan!
A woman walking through a field sees Paddy and Mick working... Paddy is digging holes and as fast as he is digging them, Mick is filling them in. After 9 holes she says to Paddy 'why are you digging holes and then Mick is filling them in?' Paddy replies 'Well there's usually 3 of us but the lad who plants the trees is off sick today!'.
A fat bird came smiling up to me in a nightclub, put her hand on my groin and said, "Have a guess what I want in my mouth tonight?" "I...I...I don't know?" I stuttered. "I'll give you a clue," she laughed, "It has four letters and begins with 'C'" "Oh, that's easy," I said, looking her up and down, "Cake."
Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me." His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed. On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me." The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers. He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the frickin' ladies' tees!"
A farmer had three beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first young man came to the door and said '' I'm Eddie, im here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?' " NO." The second boy came to the door and said ''I'm Joe. Im here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" "NO". The third boy came to the door and said to the farmer ''hello my name is Chuck'' ....the farmer shot Chuck
