“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
I've just started a new job as a travelling gynecologist for female illegal immigrants ... ... I have to go along the coast and check their points of entry.
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. The executioners all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”
“If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”
Anybody needing diesel or petrol??? You better get over here quick before they realise that the pump is messed up. Only £2.79 a gallon! I filled up my car for £30.00! It’s pump number 2 at the station on the corner of … See more
Am I the only one that finds it very hard to believe that two penguins would travel from Antartica to The Middle East to get on an Ark?
Vegans need to lay off others for their eating habits. The last thing we need is another Spinach Inquisition.
