NEWS FLASH >>>>>> Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice
iWhats the difference between Iron man and Iron woman? Iron man is a super hero & Iron woman is a simple instruction
What following re-arranged word is vital to human function and is better when fully erected? NISPE Those that saw SPINE went on to become doctors Those that saw PENIS are just dirty bastards
A young korean couple are lying in bed when the guy starts farting continuously. Thats disgusting shouts the girl. Its the dog the guy claims. dont blame the ****ing dog she yells It was cooked perfectly
[TABLE="width: 100%"] [TR] [TD]Howard Webb is going to find it very hard to get back into the Manchester United team with Lee Mason playing a blinder today.[/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE]
I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, Minding my own business, Waiting on it to turn green. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, Shouting anti-American slogans, With a half- burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car And a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, Stopped next to me. The light changed, the Muslims praised Allah, Shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of me. Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding Thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, Crushing it completely, Killing everyone in the car. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man... That could have been me!" So today; Bright and early, I went out and got a job As a truck driver.
I,ve just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. Its very rewarding but quite challenging. It took me ages to get her husbands voice right.
A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his mum to come out. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his mum comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" She shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten. For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want." What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing between her legs. "Hell no," he cries, "You've got teeth down there!" "Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!" "Yes, there are," he says, "my mum told me so." "No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek. "No, I'm sorry" he says. "My mum already told me that all women have teeth down there." "Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there." The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.' He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.' The girl replied 'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.' He did and warmed his nose. The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.' The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, And she asks, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?' Concerned the mother said, 'Why yes..... Why do you ask?' The daughter replies, 'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!!!'
I have just been expelled from the anarchists association. Seems they were unhappy about me always turning up to meetings on time.
I was talking to my grandfather at my 30th birthday party. "Wow, 30 years! You know what I haven't had in about 30 years?", he asked. "An erection?", I replied, sending my mates into howls of laughter. "No", he responded, winking,"a baby sucking my cock."
Lovemaking Tips For Seniors 1 Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.. 6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 7. Have Oxygen ready in case you actually complete the act.. 8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbours are deaf, too. 9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!! 10. Don't even think about trying it twice. .. ... . . . . . . . . . . ... .. . . .. . . . . .. . .
A Trafalgar class submarine is sent to the Falklands on a tour of duty. After a few days an Argentinian warship is picked up on radar heading towards the islands firing its long range guns. "Dive, dive," shouts the captain and the man at the helm immediately throws himself out of his position and hits the deck. "What the **** did you do that for?" shouts the captain. "What's your name sailor?" "Ashley Young, sir" comes the reply. "Oh, that's alright then, carry on."
Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him "Do you want the winner of the next race?" Paddy replies "No tanks, I've only got a small garden."
