When I get something stuck in my throat, I just dislodge it with a cold beer. It's called the Heineken Manoeuvre....
"A £1 to look after your car mister?" said the young street kid after I'd parked in the city. "Don't think so son" pointing to my Doberman lying on the back seat. "Ah right" he replied, "any good at putting out fires is he?
"Can you read that car's number plate from here?" asked my instructor today. "Yes!" I replied, "Now can you please open the fuki'n parachute!"
Call me old fashioned but of all the things I look for in a woman a pair of bollocks isn’t one of them