A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well-being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning, I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” “I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest.” The blonde very calmly explains, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. “If you need anything, just let me know,” he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the woman. He looks out over his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes out to her and asks, “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” “No,” replies the blonde, “I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!”
A woman takes her 15-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter Mandy. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Mandy a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Mandy is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Mandy?" Mandy says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
I was trying to work out the nautical term for 6 feet depth of water, but I just couldn't fathom it out !!
Caught up with #antiquesroadshow earlier. There was a bloke on there with a collection of trainers. While you may think this would annoy me, I actually applaud him. Every pair of trainers in his collection is one pair of trainers off the streets.
