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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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    WHAT A WAN**R

    Sperm donor who fathered 550 children ordered to stop
    Published
    13 hours ago

    By Emily McGarvey
    BBC News
    A Dutch man suspected of fathering more than 550 children worldwide through sperm donations has been ordered to stop.
    The man named Jonathan, aged 41, could be fined more than €100,000 (£88,000) if he tries to donate again.
    He was banned from donating to fertility clinics in the Netherlands in 2017 after it emerged he had fathered more than 100 children.
    But instead of stopping he carried on donating sperm abroad and online.
    A court in The Hague has told him to provide a list of all the clinics he had used and to order them to destroy his sperm.
    The man was said to have misled hundreds of women.
    Dutch clinical guidelines state that a donor should not father more than 25 children in 12 families.
    But judges said the man had helped produce between 550 and 600 children since he began donating sperm in 2007.
    He was taken to court by a foundation protecting donor children's rights, and by the mother of one of the children allegedly fathered from his sperm.
    "The point is that this kinship network with hundreds of half-brothers and half-sisters is much too large," a spokesman for the court, Gert-Mark Smelt, said.
    Over 100 of the children fathered by the man were born in Dutch clinics and others privately, but he also donated to a Danish clinic which dispatched his semen to addresses in various countries.
    Dutch fertility doctor fathered 49 children
    IVF doctor accused of using own sperm
    Judge Thera Hesselink said the court "prohibits the defendant from donating his semen to new prospective parents after the issuing of this judgment".
    The man is also not permitted to contact any prospective parents "with the wish that he was willing to donate semen… advertise his services to prospective parents or join any organisation that establishes contact between prospective parents", the judge said.
    The donor "deliberately misinformed" prospective parents about the number of children he had already fathered in the past, the district court in The Hague said.
    "All these parents are now confronted with the fact that the children in their family are part of a huge kinship network, with hundreds of half-siblings, which they did not choose," it said.
    The court said it was "sufficiently plausible" that this has or could have negative psychosocial consequences for the children.
    Sperm donors are told to limit the number of times they offer their services, to reduce the chance that siblings might unknowingly form a couple and have children together.
    The Netherlands has been hit by fertility scandals in the past.
    In 2019, a Dutch fertility doctor accused of using his own sperm to inseminate patients without their consent was confirmed as the father of 49 children.
     
    #14801
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Little Johnny came home from school with a black eye
    His dad says Johnny what have you done
    It’s not my fault
    The teacher had her dress stuck in the crack of her butt so I reached over and pulled it out
    She turned round and hit me
    The father said Johnny you don’t do that to women
    The next day he came home with the other eye black
    Johnny what happened
    It wasn’t my fault
    The teacher again had her dress stuck in her butt
    I did nothing
    Suzzie reached over and pulled it out
    I know she doesn’t like it
    So I pushed it back in
     
    #14802
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #14803
  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14804
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14805
  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14806
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Controversy over the Stone of Scone grows as it is not clear whether the King will be added before or after the jam.
     
    #14807
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An old man crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!”
    The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins.”
    The old man dials his son as he is about to speak the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says “So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him and you !”
    The son answers “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.” In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a Jeep, Ten men jump out and beat the hell out of the expensive car owner.
    Meanwhile the son walks over to his father and says “Dad I train Navy Seals not dolphins"
     
    #14811
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
    The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."
    "I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."
    The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
    The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
    "Marge", whispered Mildred.
    "What", said Marge.
    "I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.
    "What makes you think that", asked Marge.
    "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
    "Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."
    "I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn
     
    #14812
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Johnny received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse filthy vocabulary.
    Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. Johnny tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
    Finally, Johnny was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Johnny shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. Johnny, in desperation, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
    Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, Johnny quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Johnny's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
    Johnny was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
    As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, very softly.
    "May I ask what the chicken did?"
     
    #14813
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14814
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors.
    The waiting room was filled with patients..
    As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. ...
    In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
    "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
    YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
    All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
    He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
    'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
    The room erupted in applause !!!!!!
     
    #14815
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14816
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I think it's a disgrace on society and our education system when after 50 years, most people have no idea who Neil Armstrong is.

    Or what kind of trumpet he played!
     
    #14817
  18. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Death is tough for anybody and their families but for a singer songwriter musician, it must be especially tough.

    From years of composing to decomposing, what a waste!
     
    #14818
  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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