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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #14601
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Err Dave , where's the telly gone?
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    #14603
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.
    Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie, why don"t you tell me all about it?"
    The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy"s thingee sort of stands up, and then Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that"s how you get babies."
    Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said,
    "Oh, darling, that"s sweet, but that"s not how you get babies. That"s how you get jewellry."
     
    #14607
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14608
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14609
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Somewhere between 1955 and 2023 things went terribly wrong…

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    #14610

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
    The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."
    "Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."
    "Show me," said the interviewer.
    So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
    The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country."
    "Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!"
    "Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.
    The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"
     
    #14611
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A 95 year old man is crying on a park bench. “Sir,” says a concerned Policeman “what’s the matter?” “What’s the matter?” he says. “I went on a dating website after my wife died. This young woman sent me an email. She liked older men. She’s Swedish. We meet. It’s wonderful. She’s beautiful. She takes care of the apartment. She makes me eat gluten-free. I haven’t felt so good in years. My children love her. My grandchildren love her. And the sex..oh my god is great” “Well, that sounds wonderful,” the Policeman says. “So why are you crying?” “I can’t remember where I bloody live!”.
     
    #14612
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
    "Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
    "Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
    "Yeah, well, it's like this....Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture...
     
    #14613
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Three tampons walking down the street.
    A regular, a super and a light which one says hello first?
    None, they're all stuck up cnuts !
     
    #14615
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14616
    Hammersmith bookie and kiwiqpr like this.
  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Get your new build Persimmon Homes site name by combining the name of the animal habitats you’ve dug up and ruined with the name of something your new house won’t have.
    I’m Deer Gardens
     
    #14619
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I said to my wife, that I was maturing like a fine wine. Now, she's laid me on my side and locked me in the cellar.
     
    #14620
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