A young girl who was about to go on a 1st date with her boyfriend was been tutored by her grandma. "He will try to kiss you, allow him. He will try to cuddle you, allow him. He will try to lay u down and get on top of you, DONT ALLOW HIM!!!" The girl asked, "Grandma, why?" Grandma said, "Because if u do that, u have allowed him to disgrace you and all your family." Girl said, "Okay" And left on her date. Several hours later she returned and grandma asked, "How did it go?" Girl said, "Exactly as you said except when he laid me down and tried to disgrace our family, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."
Young couple took their two-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem." The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. "Gee, mum," he exclaimed. "For me?" "Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your father
Shamima Begum is said to have contemplated suicide after this week's court ruling. She said "I'd started making the Vest and everything!"
I decided to go to the local Mosque for the first time to see what it was all about. I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said "By the will of Allah the All Mighty, and the Prophet Muhammad you will walk today". I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on me and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me. After the prayers I stepped outside and lo and behold, my bloody car was gone.
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him,“What's wrong?” The boy says,“Me ma is dead”. “Oh bejaysus,"the man says. “Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?” The boy replies,“No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”
A teacher decided to give the class a riddle. "Does anyone know how to put 2 holes into one hole?" None of the children knew the answer so it was their homework to go home and work it out. The kids came back the next day, and still none of them knew the answer. "I will show you the answer now, children" says the teacher as he looks pretty chuffed with himself. He proceeds to hold his forefinger against his thumb making a little ring. He then puts the ring that he made with his fingers over his nose and says "look, here is the hole that I made with my fingers and it is covering the 2 holes on my nose" All of the children are very impressed apart from Little John, who stands up and says "Excuse me sir, but do you know how to put 7 holes into one hole?" The teacher replies "I have no idea, John . . . . please tell us" Little John replies "you simply stick a recorder up your arse, sir"
Is there anything more terrifying that the landlines ringing? It can only mean an old person has died or worse they are coming to lunch.
Two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other!
