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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  2. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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  3. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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  4. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  5. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #14406
  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14407
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    The man who invented 'cats eyes' got the idea when he saw the eyes of a cat reflected in his headlights...
    If the cat had been going the other way, he would have invented the pencil sharpener!
     
    #14409
  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A chap was sitting at a bar chatting to the landlord and said that he could identify a timber by its smell and feel. The landlord said, “No way” and after much discussion said to the punter, “OK, if you can do it, I’ll give you free beer for life”.
    The punter took up the challenge and he was duly blindfolded.
    He was taken to the landlord’s flat and at the first bit of timber, he correctly identified it as a mahogany table. At the next piece, he said that it was a pine dresser and the next, he said it was an oak bed frame and the next he said it was a willow cricket bat. By this time, the landlord was getting slightly worried that he might lose his bet and so returned to the bar, where he gave the barmaid a pencil and whispered something to her. She blushed and disappeared to the toilet, returning a couple of minutes later. The punter was duly given a piece of timber and he was obviously flummoxed, as he took quite a while before declaring –

    “I’ve got it” he says, “It’s the bog door off a Grimsby trawler!!!”
     
    #14411
    Wooperts_duck and kiwiqpr like this.
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My neighbour just yelled at her kids so loud that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed.
     
    #14414
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    We use to have a teacher called Miss Turtle at school…she was a strange woman…but she tortoise well.
     
    #14415
  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  17. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Jack is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Jack replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Jack answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
    The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Jack replied, "My father doesn't like her."
     
    #14419
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing
    home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next
    morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
    She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over
    sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to
    catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
    "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
    "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
     
    #14420

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