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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

Page 686 of 842
  1. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    My daughter was just defending Holly & Phil saying they didn’t jump the queue but were “taken by the back doors”.

    I’m pretty sure that’s true for Phil anyways.
     
    #13701
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 25, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr and Makemstine Roger like this.
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-9-25_16-5-38.jpeg
     
    #13702
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 25, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr and Makemstine Roger like this.
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    "A Newcastle fan, an Sunderland fan and a Middlesbrough fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.
    All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.
    For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip.
    As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
    The Middlesbrough was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
    This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it.
    The Middlesbrough fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done.
    The Newcastle fan was next up (he almost finished a half-keg), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back."
    But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
    The Sunderland was the last one up (he had finished off the keg), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of England, your city has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
    "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Sunderland fan replied.
    "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
    "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
    "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked.
    "Tie that Newcastle fan to my back..." -TID
     
    #13703
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 25, 2022
    Hammersmith bookie, Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with last nights performance that they have said they will personally refund all the expenses to their fans who travelled to support them.

    All they need to do is send their bank details, sort codes and Mothers maiden names and they will transfer the money straight to them
     
    #13704
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 25, 2022
    Hammersmith bookie, Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13705
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2022
    Rangers Til I Die, peter1954qpr, Didley Squat and 5 others like this.
  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    :steam::steam::steam:<yikes><yikes>:emoticon-0130-devil:emoticon-0146-punch<applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause><applause>:emoticon-0148-yes::emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #13706
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 25, 2022
    Wooperts_duck and Didley Squat like this.
  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-9-25_23-27-56.png
     
    #13707
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 25, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, Didley Squat, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.
  8. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-9-27_16-35-1.png
     
    #13708
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 27, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  9. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    #13709
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 27, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Welsh police are looking for a group of men after several people were attacked with wooden fence posts.

    The public should keep an eye out for the Tenby Four........
     
    #13710
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Hammersmith bookie, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and run down the corridor screaming and ranting madly. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room. Then, the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
    "What in God's name is wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 68 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"
    The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up, asked . . . "Does she still have the hiccups?"
     
    #13711
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13712
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Devonhoop and 3 others like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was talking to this Native American chief and his wife, in Dakota, and I asked him his name.
    "Running Wolf".
    "And your wife's name?"
    "Five Horses"
    "Why Five Horses?" I asked.
    "Nag nag nag nag nag....."
     
    #13713
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Hammersmith bookie and kiwiqpr like this.
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #13714
    kiwiqpr, Sep 27, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and Hammersmith bookie like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce, please go to the pet shop and buy a mesh and a bag of nuts for our feathered friends.

    There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.

    Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.
     
    #13715
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 28, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13716
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 28, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Hammersmith bookie, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  17. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-9-28_22-26-59.png
     
    #13717
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 28, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck and Hammersmith bookie like this.
  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-9-28_22-55-17.jpeg
     
    #13718
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 28, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, Hammersmith bookie and 1 other person like this.
  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-9-28_22-58-14.png
     
    #13719
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 28, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, Hammersmith bookie and 1 other person like this.
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #13720
    kiwiqpr, Sep 28, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, Rangers Til I Die and 1 other person like this.
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