So I arrived at the restaurant a bit early for a family meal. "Would you mind waiting for a while?" asked the manager. "Not at all," I replied. "Good," he said. "Take these 2 Coq au Vins over to the couple by the window, then start clearing tables 4 and 7".
I start my new job as an apprentice bell ringer tomorrow ! It's my first day, so they'll just be showing me the ropes.....
A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow....... He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks, "If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?" The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says, "Nah, ye can gae ahead." Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl. The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got too".
A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that her husband had treatment there, and afterward, he lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied ... "Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology all we did was correct his eyesight."
I once bought a pirate video from a spiv down an alleyway on the promise of goats, long leather boots and nuns… …when I got home it was The Sound Of Music.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf and dumb. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money? Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"
