A 73-yr-old woman is in court for streaking at the Chelsea Flower show. She was let off with a caution but was awarded 1st prize for best dried bush arrangement...
A man was about to go into a pub for a drink, when this nun standing outside starts telling him about the dangers of alcohol. He asked if she had ever had an alcoholic beverage, to which she replied, no He themn invites her to come inside and have a drink with him, she says I can't go into a pub, what would Father Murphy say if he found out I was in a pub?!? He says I'll bring you a pint out to you, she says I can't be seen drinking in public and beer just sounds so not tasty...I need something that a lady might like He says I'll, get you a sherry, She says that sounds nice, but to put it in a teacup so no one will know what youre drinking The man goes in and orders a pint of stout and a sherry in a teacup. ..the barkeeper says, is that feckin nun outside again?!?
Still one of the funniest ****ers ever. Didn't even have to say anything, his face just cracks me up !
In the early 00's parents named their children after expensive items, so there was Chardonnay, Mercedes, Dior...... In early 2023 expect to see kids named Petrol, Gas, Electricity...... I take no credit for that gag, it came courtesy of Marty in the morning on RTE Lyric FM.....
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says......... "Nothing, but you left your injun runnin".
