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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    UK RAISES ALERT LEVEL
    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent Russian threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The Russians have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
    The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
    Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
    The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
     
    #12641
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12642
    kiwiqpr and Makemstine Roger like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12643
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12644
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12645
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  6. ELLERS

    ELLERS Well-Known Member

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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12647
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #12648
  9. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12650
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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two
    government 'Welfare' officials sent to interview him.
    One official said to him: "You have observed the white man for 90
    years. You have seen his wars and his technological advances.
    You have seen his progress and the damage he has done."
    The elder nodded in agreement.
    The official continued: "Considering all these events, in your
    opinion, where did the whitefella go wrong?"
    The elder stared at the two government officials for over a minute
    and then he calmly replied:
    "When whitefella found the land, blackfellas were running it.
    No taxes,
    No debt,
    Plenty kangaroo,
    Plenty fish,
    Women did all the work,
    Medicine man free,
    Aboriginal man spent all day hunting and fishing,
    All night having sex."
    Then the elder leaned back and smiled: "Only whitefella bloody stupid
    enough to think he could improve a system like that."
     
    #12651
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12652
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12653
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12654
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12655
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #12656
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  17. deano58

    deano58 Well-Known Member

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    #12657
  18. Hammersmith reborn

    Hammersmith reborn Well-Known Member

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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    French World War Two rifle for sale.

    Never fired.

    Dropped once.
     
    #12659
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Teacher: Today is Father’s Day.Mary what does your father do. Mary: My dad is a lawyer, he puts bad people in jail.
    Teacher: David what does your father do?
    David: My dad is a doctor,he helps sick people get better.
    Teacher:Johnny what does your father do?
    Johnny: My dad is dead miss.
    Teacher: Oh I’m sorry Johnny,what did he do before he died.
    Johnny:He turned blue and shat on the carpet miss.
     
    #12660

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