The Pope was having a shower. Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air. "Hold on a minute!" said the Pope, You can't do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church!". "This is my lottery win", said the photographer, "I'll be financially secure for life with these photos!" So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer, and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of $2,000,000. The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera. Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper. Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said, "That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?" Not being one to lie, the Pope replied, "Two million Dollars.." "TWO MILLION Dollars!" replied the housekeeper, they must have seen you coming!!!!!
In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers." "That's correct", said the boss. Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels." "Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who's the father!" The boss collapsed.....
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Emo Philips - When I was a little boy, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised, the Lord, in his wisdom, doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
