My van wouldn't start today. So I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat, sitting on the engine. It was a very polite bat. He said "hello sir, you are a handsome man, and very nicely dressed too" I could see the problem straight away. Bat flattery.....
You probably think that you know the story about Noah’s Ark, but think again because here’s the real story . . . . God appeared to Noah and said “It’s going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights, and I want you to build an Ark. It has to be 30 cubits wide, 60 cubits long and 2 stories high“ Noah replied “I'm guessing that you want me to fill it with birds and animals.” God said, “No, fish mainly, and particularly carp.“ Noah replied “Ah . . . . you want a two storey carp Ark“
Hands up who reckons Markle’s been on the phone to Princess Latifah (the hostage in Dubai) to tell her how much worse her own life is?
The missus asked me last night if I could give her a Liverpool performance in bed I said what’s that? She said ‘you stay on top a long time and come second’.
So I said: to the lady: "Can you make me a dish of jelly, cake, cream & custard in the shape of an island off the southwest coast of Britain?" She said: "Don't you think that's a trifle scilly?"
