Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Being one of the few Asians in Glasgow, I'm often asked "what's a Hindu?".

    Why does everyone look puzzled when I reply "lay eggs"?
     
    #11001
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    What's got glasses and a wet nose???
    A short-sighted gynaecologist
     
    #11003
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Dave was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travelled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
    The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Dave decided to accept the latter alternative.
    So the black bear had his way with Dave. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Dave soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
    The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Dave. That bear was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
    Again, Dave thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Dave. Although he survived, it took several months before Dave fully recovered.
    Now Dave was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder.
    He turned around to find giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Dave, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?
     
    #11004
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    The early evening news on Granada TV ran a story tonight that two young woman had been kidnapped in central Sheffield. They had been raped and murdered and their bodies found in a skip behind the local library.
    Locals are shocked, they didn't know they had a library.
     
    #11006
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11009
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11010
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to a ventriloquist’s funeral today, and they sang the hymn

    “All Things Gright And Geautikal !”
     
    #11011
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Prince Charles has just arrived in Iran. ...."Where's the Shah?", he asked.
    "Oh, we got rid of the Shah years ago", said his guide.

    "Ohh, in that case, one will have a barth.."
     
    #11012
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11013
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Uncle Ben has been rushed into hospital after discovering a lump in one of his testicles.

    Turns out It was a a boil in the bag
     
    #11014
  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #11015
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I’ve just joined a book club for drinkers.

    First up is Tequila Mockingbird.
     
    #11016
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11019
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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