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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10641
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10642
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10643
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10644
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  5. peter1954qpr

    peter1954qpr Well-Known Member

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    Had to take our dog to the vets he ate the lights of our xmas tree, when the vet made a fuss of him his little face lit up
     
    #10645
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Messrs Bing Crosby,Don Partridge, Mary Hopkin and Lee Hazelwood have asked me to join their group to sing carols this year.

    Its very exclusive, just Bing Don Mary Lee and I.
     
    #10646
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10647
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10648
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  9. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    If there's one rule I've insisted on with the wife is that she's never allowed to look inside my safe but being a typical woman she couldn't obey a simple instruction and yesterday she came storming up to me and said "I've just seen inside your safe and you have got some explaining to do! There was £10,000 in cash and three eggs in there, what on earth have you been doing?!"

    I said "Well, I've got a confession to make. Since we've been married I've been unfaithful to you and each time I've slept with someone else I've put an egg in the safe"

    She thought for a while and to my surprise said "Well, I suppose after 30 years of marriage three eggs isn't so bad but where did you get the ten grand from?"

    I said "Well, when I get enough eggs I sell them down the farmers market for a pound a dozen"

    blatant rip off of a Jethro joke!
     
    #10649
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I said to the Missus I've got a Problem.
    She replied "No Babe We have a Problem.
    We are a couple, we're a Unit"...
    Your problem is my problem.
    We are in this together
    "Over whelmed with relief,
    I said.... "Well it's hardly worth mentioning now"
    but She was insistent on knowing,
    "Darling please what is the problem??....."
    " WE'VE got your sister pregnant.
     
    #10650
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10651
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Jake went to the doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect:
    The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged and there was nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he was willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his 'old fella'.
    Jake thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
    A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
    As a result Jake planned a romantic evening with his wife Mary and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful.
    To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.
    Mary was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said. "That was incredible. Can you do that again?"
    With tears in his eyes he replied. "I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse"
     
    #10652
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10653
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  14. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner, so he goes over for a chat.
    The donkey asks, “What do you do for a living?”
    The horse says, “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”
    And the donkey says, “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then asks the horse “Did you win anything?”
    The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger, and the Derby. And over the jumps, I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”
    They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he's done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.
    The horse arrives and says, “Lovely place you have here, and who’s that in the picture on the wall?”
    The donkey replies “That’s me when I played for Juventus...”
     
    #10655
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10656
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10657
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10658
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10659
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  20. Paulpowersleftfoot

    Paulpowersleftfoot Well-Known Member

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    The Fourth Year school teacher asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

    Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then work for the CIA and establish contacts so as to become a billionaire smuggling guns and drugs, going to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Miami, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel all over Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

    The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

    "And how about you, Sarah?"

    "I wanna be Kevin's whore."
     
    #10660
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