PADDY'S LAST WILL! Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast. He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes. When all is ready he begins to speak: "My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra." "My daughter Geraldine, you take the apartments over in Malone Road." "My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre." "Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ." The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, " Mrs O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property".. "Property?”, his wife replies. “The f*cker had a window cleaning round."
My mate had builders in doing an extension and his five year old daughter decided to help. The builders gave her little jobs to do to make her feel part of the team. At the end of the week she was presented with her 'wage packet', which consisted of £2 in small change. Her father took her to the bank to open an account with the money and she duly handed it over to the cashier. The cashier asked how she had earned the money and she said she was helping Steve, Big Harry and Wayne build an extension. "Wonderful." said the cashier, " and will you be helping them next week too." She said, " I will if those w*nkers from Jewsons deliver the f*cking bricks on time."