I remember being so poor that all we had to eat was coal. Thinking of those times still brings a lump to my throat.
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" "It's Frank. The midget."
I spent £96 on eBay today to buy a cheese grater once owned by Hitler and Saddam Hussein. It was the grater of two evils.
Although my mum is from Arran, my dad from Kashmir, my maternal grandparents from Jersey and my paternal grandparents from Cardigan, we are still a close-knit family.
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
