Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

I invited my girlfriend round to my place and showed her my stamp collection "Wow" she said "I've never seen one so big!"
"Thanks" I replied "but Philately will get you nowhere"

 

My girlfriend came to see me at the amateur dramatics Christmas Pantomime and was really impressed, she said I should consider going to acting school.

I said I'd Rada not.

 

Bram Stoker's Dracula,
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein,
Jo Swinson's Liberal Democrats.

 

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The moment Meghan was told royals can be fired...

 

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Three dogs at the Vets and they get to chatting about why they are there.

First dog says "I went out into the garden for some fresh air and noticed my owner doing some weeding, she was bent over and I could see right up her skirt so I mounted her. She lost the plot and brought me here to be put down"

Second dog says "I came downstairs and my owner was cleaning out the cupboards, I got one look at her bent over and started to hump her from behind. She went crazy and brought me here to be put to sleep"

Third dog says "Same sort of thing happened to me, I went upstairs and my owner had just come out of the shower, as she bent over to dry her legs I took the opportunity to mount up and do her from the rear"

First dog says "So are you here to be put down too?"

"No" says the third dog "I'm here to get my nails trimmed"