I was at a do the other night and bumped in to the man who invented The Globe......... He himself said "It's a small world".........
Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's." I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
I went into a shop in a town up north and as I was walking up and down I saw row upon row of little statues and figurines of Fogarty, Marx, Urban, Jung and Lewis. Then I remembered I was in the Carl isle. Where did I put that coat?
I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She'd lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50. I don't usually do that kind of thing, but I'd just found £2,000 in the car park.
Lawyers should never ask a Texas grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Texas small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.....
