Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6821
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6822
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Marriage is all about figuring out which buttons not to push, and then pushing the **** out of ‘em.
     
    #6823
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6824
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  5. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    She wouldn’t have to ask me... :)
     
    #6825
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6826
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6827
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Dirty cow !!

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    #6828
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6829
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are in a bar.

    Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?

    Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

    Woods replies, "Not too bad. I've had some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."

    Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

    Surprised, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?!!"

    Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."

    Tiger: "But.... you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

    Stevie: "Well, I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

    "But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger.

    "Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

    Tiger: "What's your handicap?"

    Stevie: "Well, actually I'm a scratch golfer."

    Woods: incredulous says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

    Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money. And I never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

    Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that. OK I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

    Stevie: "You pick a night."
     
    #6830
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Breaking News

    My local Lidl has just opened a second checkout
     
    #6831
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6832
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6833
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  14. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    I grew up in a very rough part of town. As a child people would cover me in chocolate, whipped cream and put a cherry on top. It was hard living in the gateau.
     
    #6834
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  15. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    A husband buys his wife 7 pairs of identical pink knickers, she says "why all the same colour? Everyone will think I never change my underwear"

    Husband replies "So who's everyone?"
     
    #6835
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6836
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6837
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6838
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man went to a urologist and told him that he was having a problem and that he was unable to get his Penis erect.

    After a complete exam the Doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.

    However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissue from an elephant's trunk in the man's penis.

    The man thought about it for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to use his newly renovated equipment.

    As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful.

    To release the pressure, he unzipped his fly and immediately his penis sprang from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll, then returned to his pants.

    His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said: "That was incredible. Can you do that again?"

    With his eyes watering, he replied:

    "I think I can, but I'm not sure if I can fit another Roll up my Arse."
     
    #6839
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry...we can't hire you."

    "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

    "Really? Great! Show me!"

    So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

    "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

    "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

    "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

    "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
     
    #6840
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