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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6781
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6783
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Just had some friends round with their new born baby ... She handed me the baby and asked if I wanted to wind him , I thought that was a bit harsh ... So I gave him a dead leg instead !
     
    #6785
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6788
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6789
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • The Australian gold coast surf competition has just been won in controversial circumstances by a little Japanese man on a wardrobe.
     
    #6790

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man, you really look tired.”

    His buddy says, “Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants sex all the time, three, four, even six times a night, every night. She wakes me up at all hours. I just don't know what to do.”

    A fellow about 70, sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation.

    He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says... “Marry her. That'll put a stop to that nonsense! "
     
    #6791
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Jeremy Corbyn goes to the bank...
    Jeremy: "Could you please cash this cheque for me?"
    Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?"
    Corbyn: "I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I'm Jeremy Corbyn, Leader of the Labour Party and the Opposition!!"
    Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are Sir, but with all the bank regulations, monitoring, impostors and forgers etc., I must insist on seeing some identification".
    Corbyn "Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!"
    Cashier: "I'm sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them".
    Corbyn: "I'm urging you, please cash this cheque for me".
    Cashier: "Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomerie came into the bank without any ID.
    To prove he was Colin Montgomerie he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup.
    With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomerie and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID.
    He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.
    Corbyn starts to think and think and finally says, "To be honest, there is nothing that comes into my mind.
    In fact I can't think of a single thing that I'm any good at."
    Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes you require Mr Corbyn?
     
    #6793
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6794
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6795
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Currently bird watching with Sinead O'Connor

    So far its been seven owls and fifteen jays......
     
    #6796
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6797
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

    He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.

    The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

    The drunk shouts, "Yes, I am."



    So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

    He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

    The drunk replies,"No, I haven't found Jesus!"

    The preacher, shocked at the answer,dunks him again but for a little longer.

    He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, brother?"

    The drunk answers,"No, I haven't found Jesus!"



    By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again --

    but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.



    The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"






    The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,

    "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
     
    #6798
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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