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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #6741
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Bit extreme, isn't it ?!

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    #6742
  3. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    Real shame as they’re both belters...
     
    #6743
  4. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    Breed? It’s one of those bristly schnauzers, isn’t it?
     
    #6744
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Got a phone call from my friend today , I said what you up to, and he said he was eating Alfresco.

    I spent 2 feckin' hours in the supermarket searching for alfresco and I just couldn't find any, can anyone help me out where i can get some ?
     
    #6745
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    i think it could be a perunian inca orchid
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    #6746
  7. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

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    I’m going for a shih tzu
     
    #6747
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    dont squeeze too hard
     
    #6748
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Hope you had plenty of toilet paper with you.....
     
    #6749
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6750

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6751
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A man ended up in a hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a toy horse lodged in his arse.

    • The doctors have described his condition as stable.
     
    #6752
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I hired an escort last week, and unsurprisingly I ended up getting f*cked.

    • A wheel came off going down the M4.
     
    #6753
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • Q. What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's rump?

    • A. "Having car trouble?"
     
    #6754
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6755
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6756
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6757
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6758
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

    ‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

    Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, One for me...'

    He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. 'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

    The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

    Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, One for me.'

    The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...

    Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

    At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all.. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.

    They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him .
     
    #6759
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Scottish man was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces, his wife has just produced a typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

    Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way,folks...like I said, my boy's a typical Highland baby boy."

    Two weeks later the man returns to the bar. The bartender says, "You're the father of that typical Scottish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.....so how much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answers, "17 pounds."

    The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born."

    The father took a slow swig from his Johnny Walker Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."...
     
    #6760

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