In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends!
Little Jimmy moves to the countryside to his aunt's, he comes running in and tells everyone that the bull is f*cking the cow. His aunt says "We don't say that, we say the bull is surprising the cow". Anyway, Jimmy goes out to play and after an hour he comes back in and says "The bull is surprising all of the cows". His aunt says "don't be silly the bull can't surprise all the cows". Jimmy replies "He is, because he's f*cking the horse".
My mother-in-law asked me "If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the fireplace?" I replied "To keep the kids away from the fire"
This Big Game Hunter walked into the Bar and bragged to everyone about his Hunting Skills. The man was undoubtedly a Good Shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said, "That they could Blindfold him and he would recognize any Animal's Skin from its Feel, and if he could Locate the Bullet Hole he would even tell them what Caliber the Bullet was, that Killed the Animal..??? The Hunter said that he was willing to prove it. If they would put up the Drinks, and so the Bet was on. They Blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first Animal Skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "BEAR".. Then he felt the Bullet Hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 Rifle." And he was right. They brought him another Skin, one that someone had in their Car Trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "ELK, shot with a 7mm Mag Rifle." Again he was right. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a Round of Drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had One Hell of a Shiner. He said to his Wife, "I know I was Drunk last night, but Not Drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this Black-Eye"..??? His Wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into Bed and put your hand down my Panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, “SKUNK, killed with a ****ing big AXE”..
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
