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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Can anybody tell me what kind of dog that is

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    #6321
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When I was a kid people used to cover me in cream and put a cherry on my head.

    It was tough being brought up in the gateau...
     
    #6322
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6324
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6325
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6327
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6328
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6329
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6330

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I answered the phone today and all I heard was sneezing.

    Fecking cold callers......
     
    #6331
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6332
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
    Sainsbury's
    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
    get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
    she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
    Sainsbury's...
    Dear Mrs. Harris,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
    our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to
    ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
    Mr. Harris, are listed below and are "documented by our video
    surveillance cameras":

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
    people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
    minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
    Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
    management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
    Maltesers.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
    obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    Emergency Medics were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
    mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
    by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
    AGAIN!

    15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the
    fitting room was.

    And last, but not least:

    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
    here.'
    One of the Staff passed out.
     
    #6333
  14. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    My hot tip for the Grand National is ‘Concrete Foundation’

    You can put your house on it.
     
    #6334
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  15. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    I gave a seat to an old lady on the bus today...

    Saves me doing my back in taking it to the charity shop.
     
    #6335
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  16. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    I don't have a problem with male premature ejaculation.

    Except I'd rather it was called female delayed orgasm.
     
    #6336
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  17. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    Genetically modified food is flying off the shelves.
     
    #6337
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  18. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    Oh Betty<laugh>

     
    #6338
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6339
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6340
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