There was bad news this week as I was forced to shut down my dating agency for chickens. I was struggling to make hens meet.....
I hear that HMV are closing their classical music stores... apparently too many people get their Chopin online.
please log in to view this image ixty year old John went on to his annual checkup. The doctor asked him if he was still getting up in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom. He replied, "Yes But the lord has made it much better for me, He turns on the light when I go and He turns off the light when I am done". The doctor replied, "Really"!!! About and hour after that the doctor called Johns wife and said: He looks fine. But he said that God is making it better for him, when he gets up and Goes to the bathroom during the night God turns on and off the light. She replied, "that old fool he has been going to the bathroom in the refrigerator again
Me and the missus' favourite sexual position is called ''Liverpool in Europe''. Neither of us know what we're doing or why we're there, there's no passion, no communication, and we never make it past the first stage, there's horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet. It's over far too quickly and when it does end I know it'll be at least another f*cking year before it happens again!
My boss said to me “Why do you come out in a rash when l pay you your wages?” I said “It’s because I’m allergic to peanuts.”
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course you may. What can I do for you?" "Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."
