Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. 'First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector', says the Coroner. 'Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.' The Inspector asked, 'What about the third body?' 'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.' 'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector. 'He thought he was having his picture taken'.
How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights? 10 Little piggies, 2 Calves, 1 Ass, 1 Pussy, 1 Beaver, An unknown number of hares, and one dead fish no one can find.
When I was on holiday in Egypt last summer, some Egyptian fellow in the car in front beeped his horn & bared his naked bum at me out of the window. I thought, ‘Bloody toot and car moon.’
I was offered sex with a Victoria's Secret model. In exchange, I had to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my Facebook page. Of course I declined as I'm a man of high morals and standards and strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the incredibly strong bathroom cleaner. Available in Lemon scent and Vanilla.........
