I went into a bar the other day and ordered 8 double whiskeys and downed them one after the other. "I shouldn't be drinking like this with what I've got" I said to the barman. "Why what is it" he asked? "83 pence" I replied.
Despite previously saying he’d never use the NHS, a zoo animal has now been hospitalised. His condition is described as Hippo-critical.....
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral sex' will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.' The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, 'I'm not sure, I think she choked.'
I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
