I think as marriages go, we’re doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day! Nearly on Monday Nearly on Tuesday Nearly on Wednesday Nearly on Thursday Nearly on Friday Nearly on Saturday Nearly on Sunday
I went to Tesco to get 6 cans of Sprite. It was only when I got home that I realised I’d picked seven up
Stevie Wonder is on tour when he turns to one of his roadies and says, "My harmonica isn't working." "What harmonica?" he replies, "You've just sucked the chocolate off the side of my crunchie."
"You can't park there, it's a disabled space," shouted the car park attendant. "There are eleven empty spaces - it's not as if eleven disabled people are all going to turn up at once, is it?" I replied. At which point the Fulham team bus pulled up to disprove my theory.
Answered the phone last night and there was a bloke on the other end singing " stand and deliver ". I said " you've got the wrong number " He replied " I haven't " then started singing Prince Charming. I said " you've definitely got the wrong number " However he was adamant.
