Went to the doctor for my annual check up. He asked me in describe my sex life. “Infrequent” I replied “Is that one word or two?” He asked....
One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her Pussycat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, [the complainer] said, "OK, but don"t forget to wash her, she stinks." My husband and my vet don"t see eye to eye. He calls my husband El-cheap-O. My husband calls him Take-0. They love to hate each other. Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor"s office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. In the midst of the waiting room crowd, a side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband, "Your wife"s pussy is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she"s pregnant. God knows who the father is!" And he closed the door.
Just seen a sign saying "Turkey £29.00" in a butcher's window. Blimey, that's £300 cheaper than at Thomas Cook!!
A drunken lady leapt into a taxi stark naked. Sachin, the Indian taxi driver made no attempt to drive off. "What's wrong with you Luv, haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?" "I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from..." "Well, if you're not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?" "Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me with?!"
Started a new job as a postman today , my first delivery had a note on the door saying " If no one is in hide in the garage " That’s 8 hours I’ve been hiding and still nobody’s found me......
