IRISH CATHOLIC CONFESSION 'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.' The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.' Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.' ...This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?' 'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied. 'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.; At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?' The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,....'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'
"What does your Dad do for a living little boy?" "He's a magician and he can even saw people in half!" "Fascinating. So tell me do you have any siblings?" "Yes. One half sister and two half brothers "
Estimated net worth: Tom Cruise: $550 million Su Pollard: $2 million Until male and female actors are paid equally we’ll never have true equality.
Just had my medical and the GP said ‘Dont Eat anything fatty’ I said ‘Like bacon and burgers?’ He said ‘No fatty, just don’t eat anything.....’
After getting all of the Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light)... The driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave"...? "Well, to tell you the truth"... says the Pope..."They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today"... "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen"... protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning... "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope... Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens... "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief"... He says to the dispatcher.. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five... "So bust him," says the Chief... "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop. "All the more reason"... says the Chief "No, I mean REALLY important," said the cop. The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor"...? Cop: "Bigger"... Chief: "Governor"...? Cop: "Bigger"... "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it"...? Cop: "I think it's God"... Chief: "What makes you think it's God"... Cop: "He's got the F*cking Pope as a driver"..
Just been reading about a major Albanian crime gang that is terrorising London. Surely they can’t be too difficult to catch with all that white hair and red eyes......
Winter is nearly here & our native birds will soon be finding food scarce. Please go to the pet shop & buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nut sack. Just remember however it's a bit early in the year to expect a swallow!
