Zookeeper says to Paddy "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500?" Paddy replies "I will on 3 conditions: 1. I'm not gonna kiss it. 2. My family must never know. 3. I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!"
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
I see that the Spice Girls are playing The Stadium of Light next year. You'd have to fancy them to come away with all three points.
A Chinese man goes for a job on a building site. "Can you lay bricks? " asks the foreman " No" " Can you plaster?""No""Can you paint?" "No" The foreman is a bit exasperated by this but says " OK you can work on supplies" Three months later the foreman is walking round the site. "Has anyone seen that Chinaman we took on a few months ago?" he asks. Just then the Chinaman jumps out from behind some boxes and shout " Suplise!"
A brand new car is being launched in Portugal, which includes space in the boot for a child. It's called the Renault McCann.....
Fool the neighbours into thinking you're giving your wife an orgasm by flushing the downstairs toilet while she's in the shower.
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane. The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."
