There was a magician who worked aboard a large cruise ship. Since cruise ship was constantly moving and the audience was different each week, he quickly got into a routine where he performed all the same tricks over and over again. However, there was one problem. The captain owned a parrot that saw the shows each week and soon began to understand the intricacies of how the magician performed each trick. Once it understood, it started shouting out the secrets during the middle of the show. Things like “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table,” or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?” The magician naturally found this very frustrating but he wasn’t able to do anything about it. He’d already complained to the captain, who refused to keep his parrot away from the shows. Then, one day, there was a terrible storm and the cruise ship sank. Suddenly, the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the very same parrot. Day after day, they stared at each other with hatred, but neither would utter a single word. This went on for three days until, finally, on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back. “OK, I give up. Where’s the f*cking ship?”
Applicants waiting to be interviewed at Old Trafford, as potential replacements for Jose Mourinho, if he quits..... please log in to view this image
A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding, she tells each one to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agreed to using newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how their love lives are going. The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE". Mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House advertisement, and it says: "Satisfaction to the last drop....." So, Mother is happy. Then the second daughter gets married. After a week, there was a message that reads: "ROTHMAN'S MATTRESSES". So, the Mother looks at the Rothman's Mattresses ad, and it says: "FULL SIZE, KING SIZE". Mother is happy. Then it was the third one's wedding. Mother was anxious. After four weeks came the message: "BRITISH AIRWAYS". And Mother looks into the British Airways ad, but this time she fainted. The ad reads: "THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS.".
Jose Mourinho has said that he wants to go back to Portugal and never be seen or heard again. Madeline McCann’s parents have offered to help......
